Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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