i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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