; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
