Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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