Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
