But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
