i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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