nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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