WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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