So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
