I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize