We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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