i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
