i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
