she kept yelling 'call me bella'
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
