i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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