I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
