apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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