Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
It's never too late to be topless.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
