I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
