I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
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