you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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