I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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