my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
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