ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
