I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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