Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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