She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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