After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize