Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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