I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
