Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
where are you?
Hypothermia
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
