Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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