You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
