You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
