I just pynch a tree in the face
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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