1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
