I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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