the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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