I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I deserve this hangover.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
