i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
