I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
How does it feel to date your dad?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
