New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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