So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I think your dad took our porno
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
