yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
