I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
