can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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