Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize