with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
