he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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