Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
