I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
