If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
