upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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