I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
