I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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