Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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