This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
