also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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