just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
