What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
