my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
