lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
