Redeem this text for a blowjob
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
