I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
