He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
