Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
