all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
