From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
