I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
