just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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