Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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