I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
