So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
