Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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