watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize