what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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