He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
