I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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