no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
