I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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