but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
