Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Randomize
