So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
