she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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