at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
i now understand why vodka
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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