I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
