Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
