She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You smell like stripper and shame
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
