3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
