oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
How does one acquire holy water?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
