Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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