I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
