I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
