I wanna bring you to show and tell
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
no, he came in my armpit
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
its liver damage thursday
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
