i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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