you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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