so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
