Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
