Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Naked Twister starts at high noon
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
