Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
