Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
